Luke Garroway (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
notaretriever) wrote2017-09-11 03:06 pm
notaretriever) wrote2017-09-11 03:06 pm
Entry tags:
[september 16]
When he realizes what's happened, Luke doesn't have the luxury of burying himself under the pillows that still smell like Spencer Reid and losing himself to sleep, which is the only thing he wants. Not with Jack asleep in his bedroom.
Luke had been up late the night before, as he usually is, never needing as much sleep as the average person, but Reid had gone to bed before him, as was usual. He had stopped by the couch where Luke was working on inventory, had run his fingers through Luke's hair and kissed him goodnight, lingering for a few moments as they laughed and made soft jokes and Luke had promised to come to bed soon.
He'd promised and then he hadn't. Instead he'd gotten distracted trying to work out why it seemed he'd ordered three copies of The Candle of Vision when it was hard enough to find a single copy in Darrow and the time had flown by without him even realizing. Eventually he'd looked up at the clock, found it to be after two and he had known Reid would be asleep already. Wrinkling his nose, feeling bad that he was still out here, Luke had decided not to disturb his husband and had instead worked on the inventory for a little while longer before finally heading into the bedroom.
It hadn't taken him long to figure out something was wrong. Luke was terrible about making the bed, but Reid usually slipped in after he got in the shower and made it for him and it's still made now. Reid is nowhere to be seen, his side of the bed completely undisturbed, his cell phone sitting on the bedside table. Luke goes into the bathroom just to be sure, then looks in on Jack, but Reid isn't in either room. He searches the apartment quietly, then goes down to the store, but the lights are all off and there's no one sitting in the couch by the window.
In a desperate attempt to deny what's happened, Luke even goes into the basement, but it's as it always is. Reid is nowhere.
Luke goes back upstairs and, sitting on Reid's side of the bed, looking directly at his cell phone, he calls his husband. The phone beside him doesn't even ring. There's a recorded message telling him the number is no longer in service, but Luke doesn't really hear it. He drops his phone and instead reaches for Reid's pillow, holding it up to his face so he can smell his husband still there. He sits there for the rest of the night, sits on Reid's side of the bed with his pillow in his lap and when the sun begins to rise and his alarm goes off and the tears have dried, he gets up mechanically and goes to wake Jack.
This is going to be the most horrible thing he's ever had to do.
Luke had been up late the night before, as he usually is, never needing as much sleep as the average person, but Reid had gone to bed before him, as was usual. He had stopped by the couch where Luke was working on inventory, had run his fingers through Luke's hair and kissed him goodnight, lingering for a few moments as they laughed and made soft jokes and Luke had promised to come to bed soon.
He'd promised and then he hadn't. Instead he'd gotten distracted trying to work out why it seemed he'd ordered three copies of The Candle of Vision when it was hard enough to find a single copy in Darrow and the time had flown by without him even realizing. Eventually he'd looked up at the clock, found it to be after two and he had known Reid would be asleep already. Wrinkling his nose, feeling bad that he was still out here, Luke had decided not to disturb his husband and had instead worked on the inventory for a little while longer before finally heading into the bedroom.
It hadn't taken him long to figure out something was wrong. Luke was terrible about making the bed, but Reid usually slipped in after he got in the shower and made it for him and it's still made now. Reid is nowhere to be seen, his side of the bed completely undisturbed, his cell phone sitting on the bedside table. Luke goes into the bathroom just to be sure, then looks in on Jack, but Reid isn't in either room. He searches the apartment quietly, then goes down to the store, but the lights are all off and there's no one sitting in the couch by the window.
In a desperate attempt to deny what's happened, Luke even goes into the basement, but it's as it always is. Reid is nowhere.
Luke goes back upstairs and, sitting on Reid's side of the bed, looking directly at his cell phone, he calls his husband. The phone beside him doesn't even ring. There's a recorded message telling him the number is no longer in service, but Luke doesn't really hear it. He drops his phone and instead reaches for Reid's pillow, holding it up to his face so he can smell his husband still there. He sits there for the rest of the night, sits on Reid's side of the bed with his pillow in his lap and when the sun begins to rise and his alarm goes off and the tears have dried, he gets up mechanically and goes to wake Jack.
This is going to be the most horrible thing he's ever had to do.
no subject
But if it were a bad dream, he feels like it would be over now. They wouldn't still be huddled in Jack's bed, two broken pieces of what used to be a whole. Luke wouldn't be wondering where to go from here, where to start trying to put things back together. He wouldn't be thinking that it will happen one day, probably without his trying, when he'll look at Jack and realize just the two of them together feels whole again.
Missing something, yes, always missing something, but still somehow a whole.
Right now it doesn't matter that eventually a day will come when things feel easier. He's been through loss before and he knows everyone comes out on the other side eventually, no matter how awful they feel at first, but it doesn't matter. That future is so far away, so seemingly impossible that he can't even say those words to try and comfort Jack.
"I wish he was still here, too," he whispers, then kisses Jack's hair again. "I wish that more than anything."
no subject
Just like Ma's alone back in the Hospital.
I want to do something to help them but I'm really... I'm really tired and I can't think anymore, it's like my head's full of cotton and everything's soft and squishy and hard to hear. My head hurts a little too, like it's going bum-bum-bum like my heart.
"Can we go nap in the big bed? I know we're supposed to be up but I wanna... I wanna sleep a little more," I tell Papa. "Maybe the bed's still warm from Dad."
no subject
If only he'd gone to bed when he'd promised he would.
Shifting, Luke moves to the edge of the bed, then opens his arms up for Jack. Bit by bit he's getting too big to be carried, but Luke is strong and in moments like this especially, he feels like he has to. It's a comfort to Jack, he hopes, but it's a comfort to him, too, to be able to hold onto Jack and support him and wrap his arms around him and carry his weight.
"Come on," he says softly. "I'll call your teacher a little later and say you're not feeling well. I don't think either of us should have to go anywhere today."